Why Relationships Fail

I'm not going to give you some cliché answer that your friend might give you post-break-up. I won't say that he wasn't good enough for you, or he sucks or he doesn't even know what he's walking away from. Those are fine things for your friend to say if they are true. It's awesome to have great friends who give you encouragement in that crappy moment.

But, I'm not your friend so I'm going to give you something better. A takeaway for your next relationship to end differently- or not at all. 

Relationships can fail for a million different reasons. I'm not even going to pretend to scratch the surface of it today. But here are two reasons for you to think about. 

Reason number #1 - you aren't ready to be in a relationship

"What??? Rude!" - that's what you're saying to me.

I know.

I know.

But think about it... are you?

Are you really ready to be in a relationship? Do you feel like you're making healthy choices in other aspects of your life? Have you dealt with the baggage from the last relationship? Are you seeking attention for your self-esteem?

What about the way you spend your time- do you spend your time in ways that bring you joy and bring value to others?

Are you "mature" - not in the world's eyes, but in your eyes, in God's eyes? Do you feel like you're growing at least? Making progress?

Look- you don't have to be perfect for your relationship to succeed. But, you do have to be growing. 

Reason your relationship failed #2- your partner wasn't ready. 

For all the same reasons above- she might just not be ready. She has baggage from her last relationship so she can't believe you when you say she's beautiful. She's afraid to love. She isn't quite ready to be with you because she's afraid it will actually work and last. Any number of these issues could be true.

That's okay. It isn't your fault. 

If that's your situation right now- that totally sucks. It hurts when you love them and you're ready and they just aren't. Timing can be everything. 

Here's the thing: people are not perfect. We don't grow at the same rate.

Psychologists have come up with developmental milestones and supposed timelines that we should hit, but we don't all follow the same timeline, and we definitely don't follow it at the same time.

If she isn't quite ready for a real relationship with you, you can't be her Savior. Don't try to be. 

But, you CAN be a light to her. Even during a bad breakup. You can let her go with grace and without added wounding and baggage from you.

Who knows? Maybe the timing will work out later. Maybe there's a great adventure waiting for you right around the corner.

Until then- take good care of yourself,

~Molly