Spoiler Alert: This blog contains references to the most recent release of GG- A year in the life.
I've been a Gilmore Girls fan forever. It's only natural I should kick off my blog with these ladies.
In "A year in the Life" Rory was not living the life that she knew she should. She couldn't remember to break up with Pete, or Paul, or whatever that guy's name was. She barely remembered she was dating him. She was cheating on him. She treated him awfully. And that's not Rory. It wasn't who she wanted to be and it wasn't right.
There are ways to date well and ways to really screw it up.
Yeah. I'll say it, even though Lorelai wasn't able to. Rory did treat him awfully. That didn't make her awful, but the actions she was taking weren't healthy or good for her or for anyone. Is that really how anyone would want to treat someone else???
If she had come to me and gotten some relationship coaching, her life could have looked a lot differently.
First, she would have become clear about her goals. What is it really that she wants when it comes to her relationships? Let's get clear on that and write some things down. She'd have to sit for just a minute. Slow down. Think about what she really really wants. Then she'd write them down. Make them clear. I probably would have asked her these questions:
"Do you want to be in a secret relationship with an engaged man?"
"Do you want to be in an additional relationship with someone you rarely see and have no feelings for?"
(I'm assuming her honest and truthful answer to these questions would be No. It might take her awhile to get to that point where she can be honest with herself, but I bet she could get there.)
Next, we visualize the future:
"What kind of relationship do you want to be in?"
"What step can you make right now to move towards that goal?"
I'd help her focus on the present. Once she knows what she wants to create in her future, she can come up with steps to get there. I give ideas, input, and offer suggestions, but she comes up with her game plan.
"Rory, this is about YOU and your future. What do you want it to look like?"
Let's say, for example, she wanted her future to include a healthy, exclusive relationship with a man who cared about her and was willing to commit to her.
I'd encourage her with ideas for steps to make that happen. Who is she surrounding herself with? What does she spend her time on? What other ways could she spend her time to encourage that possibility to become a reality?
She'd then describe more of what she wanted and the steps to get there would become evident through our work. We'd break the steps down into bite sized pieces, create deadlines for them, and begin to get to work.
No more floundering.
No more confusion.
The road would not be perfect, but it would be clear. She'd likely change direction at some point because let's be honest- life changes! But she'd at least be clear on which direction she was headed and what she needed to do to get there. She could continue meeting with me weekly to make sure she stays on track with her new habits as long as she wanted/needed. She'd continue to make better and better decisions based on the values of the person she was working to become.
Now, would that make for a good show? Maybe not. I don't direct or produce shows.
But it would make for a great life.
Don't you think?
(Disclaimer: I have no magic abilities. I can't create a perfect partner for you out of thin air, but I can help you become the person you want to be in order to attract and allow that great partner to recognize you.)